A Confession
By Claudia Tasya - March 05, 2015
Last year.
It was a drought season. And the most nonsensical year for me.
Back then I attended an internship at one branch of the largest corporation in the world right now, Tata.
That morning, when I drove my motorcycle to the office, I have an urge to know about her once more, after a year I have not contacted her since.
It was a sudden urge inside my mind, that I cannot help myself to not knowing about her.
So in that very morning, with that very urge that is unbearable to me, I opened my laptop and I logon to her Facebook profile.
Then there was my chat, never deleted there from December 2013, my last mail to her, to live nicely without me. And I am sure, she is.
And there was a little chat from her friend, that maybe they already read my book and make a ridicule of it.
But then I know she went to China. At that moment, I feel so desperate. It feels like I want to go back to her. Seeing her photos and so on make me very sad. I want to cry at that moment but then, I still remember her phone number. And I contacted her that morning.
She was just completed her presentation. I said, let's meet around 8 pm in her kost. I said it would be a long chat. Before that, I said, let's meet at a mall near me, and near our university as well. She said directly to me, "No, Edwin. You can't. We have to limit our conversation to two hours. I have to leave tomorrow."
I am pretty sad at the moment, but I calm down myself.
Then I contacted one of my friend. That makes me more sad as well.
Because when I contacted him, he said, that she has already a new boyfriend. She showed him his photos to him, when the graduation on its last month (about August 2014). And he added that she wants no one to know about it. But then again, my friend told me the truth. My heart instantly broken at that time. I said again and again to my friend, "How am I gonna calm down after this?"
My friend said, "Then again, it's pretty normal for her. It's one year already. Make sense that she found a new boyfriend."
"You know what I have already do to her, right?"
"Yes. Then again, she let you go because of your attitudes."
"But how am I gonna calm down after this..."
"Well, we, your friends, have told to you. She is indeed like that."
"But..."
"I think, if you want her so bad, just wait."
"Wait?"
"Yes. Waiting is the best you can do at this moment."
"Waiting?"
"She has already a new boyfriend, you know. Even I can not approach her anymore."
I told him I set up a meeting between us that day. He chuckled, "Of course you can not do more long chat to her." Obviously. I was very sad at that moment. I do not know what to do. Everything, at that moment, I do the work, I want to repent myself. I want to repent myself and trying to talk things back to her when the moment is right. But it was all useless. I felt very useless that day, even though my boss shouted at me again and again to encourage my spirit. But I was down at the moment, very down.
So I decided that day I won't meet her anyway. It was useless.
From that moment, I can not do anything.
I really can not go back to her.
It was a drought season. And the most nonsensical year for me.
Back then I attended an internship at one branch of the largest corporation in the world right now, Tata.
That morning, when I drove my motorcycle to the office, I have an urge to know about her once more, after a year I have not contacted her since.
It was a sudden urge inside my mind, that I cannot help myself to not knowing about her.
So in that very morning, with that very urge that is unbearable to me, I opened my laptop and I logon to her Facebook profile.
Then there was my chat, never deleted there from December 2013, my last mail to her, to live nicely without me. And I am sure, she is.
And there was a little chat from her friend, that maybe they already read my book and make a ridicule of it.
But then I know she went to China. At that moment, I feel so desperate. It feels like I want to go back to her. Seeing her photos and so on make me very sad. I want to cry at that moment but then, I still remember her phone number. And I contacted her that morning.
She was just completed her presentation. I said, let's meet around 8 pm in her kost. I said it would be a long chat. Before that, I said, let's meet at a mall near me, and near our university as well. She said directly to me, "No, Edwin. You can't. We have to limit our conversation to two hours. I have to leave tomorrow."
I am pretty sad at the moment, but I calm down myself.
Then I contacted one of my friend. That makes me more sad as well.
Because when I contacted him, he said, that she has already a new boyfriend. She showed him his photos to him, when the graduation on its last month (about August 2014). And he added that she wants no one to know about it. But then again, my friend told me the truth. My heart instantly broken at that time. I said again and again to my friend, "How am I gonna calm down after this?"
My friend said, "Then again, it's pretty normal for her. It's one year already. Make sense that she found a new boyfriend."
"You know what I have already do to her, right?"
"Yes. Then again, she let you go because of your attitudes."
"But how am I gonna calm down after this..."
"Well, we, your friends, have told to you. She is indeed like that."
"But..."
"I think, if you want her so bad, just wait."
"Wait?"
"Yes. Waiting is the best you can do at this moment."
"Waiting?"
"She has already a new boyfriend, you know. Even I can not approach her anymore."
I told him I set up a meeting between us that day. He chuckled, "Of course you can not do more long chat to her." Obviously. I was very sad at that moment. I do not know what to do. Everything, at that moment, I do the work, I want to repent myself. I want to repent myself and trying to talk things back to her when the moment is right. But it was all useless. I felt very useless that day, even though my boss shouted at me again and again to encourage my spirit. But I was down at the moment, very down.
So I decided that day I won't meet her anyway. It was useless.
From that moment, I can not do anything.
I really can not go back to her.
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